And to top off having no job to keep me occupied, Zenon's Xbox red-ringed last night while I was playing Guitar Hero.

I'm gonna be sooooo bored. D=

But i'm not sure if it's just because i'm tired and a little bit hyper. The thought of having to go back to work tommorow is enough to put me down, and then there's other stuff which i've still not properly confronted which is really getting to me. I've also got some uni form to fill out which i've put off for at least three or four months now. ><

Had my "PAP" evaluation at work today. Apparently my incompetence stresses the other team members out. Granted, they've all worked in that sort of profession before, and at least for a few years. It's nice that they compare me to them so easily.

On the bright-side, they couldn't have chosen a better manager to give me the evaluation. Bev is loooovely. She invited everyone from work around to her flat one night after a piss-up, and she actually genuinelly cares about the well-being of her staff, unlike most of my other managers. She's even offered to see about getting me moved onto the bar to see if I fare better there than in the kitchen.

Here's hoping. <3 

I had to go for a walk to try and clear my head. I got about five minutes up the road when I saw a bus coming my way, so I crossed the street and got the bus into the centre of town. Wandered around a pub or two and had a few drinks, then by chance met two friends of mine at the pub that i'd been to on Friday night.

So a ten minute walk turned into three hours. Hurr. 

As if I wasn't raged enough.

I was finally about to get some sleep when a fucking WASP flies through my window. I've got a huge phobia for bugs, and anything small that flies around; so as you can imagine, i'm especially bad around wasps. I can barely even stand in the room knowing it's flying around, so I had to stand at the doorway with flyspray and pray that I could see it. Whenever I was brave enough to go inside the room, just hearing it buzz when it was close was enough to send me running back to the door.

So obviously I can't go to sleep knowing it's flying around. So I closed the window, gassed the room with flyspray, and moved into the living room to sleep on the couch.

Sleeping in the living room is like sleeping in an oven. Even with the windows open i'm practically sweating due to the fact that there's a massive computer in the room that's still switched on.

There's no God, but there's definately a fucking devil. What a shitfuck of a night.

Couldn't have been a worse time for Kerrin to go on holiday. D=

Listening through some old favourite albums of mine have really gotten to me and made this mood that i'm in even worse. It's a mixture of nostalgia, loneliness and depression, and the worst part is that I have no one to talk out my problems with.

I'm not the kind of person that shoves my problems into the faces of random people over MSN. If I have a problem, then i'll share it with someone close to me, someone that I KNOW will be able to provide sound advice or even just provide a genuine shoulder to cry on. Kerrin's not here, and there's no way that I can talk this out properly with anyone else. I'm just letting my thoughts free-flow onto livejournal like a real emo.

I keep trying to find the EXACT word for what's bothering me. I'm not jealous, spiteful or angry. I'm not nostalgic for home or for my old friends, though I could certainly do with a word or two from them right about now. 

I'm just lonely. I've got friends here, but very few that I could have a true conversation with, and with Kerrin gone for two weeks i'll have lost the last person that I had to help me back onto my feet. Sure, that sounds awfully dramatic; he IS coming back after all.

But two weeks is a long time for things to get worse.

It's amazing how stupid little non-important things really bug me. One of those things where if someone asked me why I was pissed off, I wouldn't be able to give them a clear answer.

So stupid. >< 

Working nine days in a row is really getting to me, and i'm only on day 7. I feel completely drained of energy and i've only just woken up with more than enough hours of sleep. You know it's going to be a shitty day when you wake up in a bad mood.

Doesn't help that I'll get home at about 10:00 tonight and have to get up for 6:00AM for work tommorow. Technically speaking; I should be going to bed the minute that I get tin the door.

Sure, I have the weekend off, but I probably won't have any energy left by then. I hate my job. -_- 

One of the many surreal experiences i've had since I moved to the city. Normally i'd be met by the sounds of birds rustling and chirping outside at this time; instead i'm met with roaring traffic and the early morning buses.

Gotta love the city. 

 Been a long time since I posted anything here. Since my last post i've actually moved out of my house and am living up in Aberdeen in Zenon's flat along with Ixis. If you don't know these peoples names then don't worry, they're not that important. (Joke. Love them. <3)

So what's been up?

Well I got to Aberdeen with about £400 in my pocket which I thought would last me long enough to find a job. Thankfully it did, but I was heading for disaster with the amount of money that I had spent by the time that I was employed. Working as a 'Kitchen Associate' in a JD&Wetherspoons pub in the city centre. I figured that it'd be a piece of piss with eight months of kitchen experience behind me, though I was proven wrong when I was taken aside by a manager one day and told that I wasn't up to scratch, and that I would have to improve within two weeks or else my 'contract would be terminated'. Ho' shit. That killed my confidence a little, seeing as there's hardly even THAT much cooking involved in the kitchen. It's all a test of prioritising and time management really, as well as remembering all of the little details that go on each plate. Ugh. ><

It's all sorted out now though. Bitches don't know 'bout my microwaving skills.

Living ten minutes away from Kerrin (KajiDog) is awesome. It's great being able to see him so often, though we're both understanding of personal space and time away from each other; which is good. I think relationships where you're with your partner ALL the time usually just cause tension and end badly, at least if you do that during the earlier stages.

Flatmates are pretty much awesome. =) Zenon's been a star for letting me stay here, as well as putting up with all of my housework habits. For example: I like to put dirty dishes in the sink full of water to keep them soaked so they're easier to clean, while Zenon likes the sink empty to be used for other things with all of the dishes sitting beside the sink. It's his flat however, so I've got no problems with going by his rules; I just won't be cleaning the plates when there's food stuck to them. ^_-

I feel like i've hit a dead-end recently however. I'm content with my job and am happy with the way that things are now, but I keep needing to remind myself that university starts in September. Part of me just wants to drop out of university before I even start, but I know that i'll end up regretting that; but do I really want to do the course that i've signed up for? I applied for Social Work because it sounded like something that I really wanted to do, at the time, but I chose it believing that doing a course that would get me a job afterwards would be the best option. I mean sure, that's a good idea and all, but is it something that I really want to do? I've been considering changing to psychology, though i'm not sure how easy it'll be to change courses now.

I'll have to dwell on it a little more methinks.

 

She dragged me onto Second Life... and I like it. >>

I spent six hours this evening tweaking my avatar to perfection and i'm STILL not done! Curse you!

Anyone got Second Life? =) 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYRu3JNkpU4

I'm addicted to this song, I can't stop playing it!

Makes me think of summer. =D 

I also don't know how to embed Youtube videos. =)

If we were to base my degree of 'furry-ness' against the majority of furries then it would mean that I am a horrible excuse of a furry.

I seem to conflict against everything that's normal or accepted within the fandom. It's not even huge detable issues, most of the problems are minor issues that there's no point in moaning to people about. So what do I do? I vent on Livejournal. =D

( Read the Rant! )

Btw. Go to Youtube, type in 'Dirty Funk Steve Appleton' and listen to the song. It's ace.

My parents are away in England for a week so I took the opportunity to have a party last night. Never again! D= Tidying up all of the mess the next day is a bitch, and not being able to sleep until the party winds down at about 4:00AM is equally as annoying. Still, it was a good night, and I've got some alcohol left over. =)

In other news, i'm gonna be all lonely for a week because KajiDog is away in Hawaii! On the bright-side however, he'll come back with an awesomely sexy tan, so I can't complain. 

I really need to start tying up all the loose-ends in regards to university. I have to finish an application for the SSSC (Scottish Social Services Council) as well as apply for student accomodation and funding. I've got ages, I know, but apparently I need to send of a photocopy of a passport with the SSSC application. From what I remember there was no alternative to a passport, which means that I have to get a passport. Bleh. Procrastination.

Can't wait until the summer. 

31 hours. Not bad in a week.

Got the most fucked up ending couples possible though, and I can't figure out HOW I ended up with them.

Despite manipulating the main characters love-life like an overly intrusive parent... he somehow ended up with the random, air-headed teeny bopper rather than the other main character. The main female character in fact ended up with the FIANCE of another character, whom ended up with the thirteen year old. I know, right?

The game keeps track of 'relationship levels' based on numerous factors. Choices you make, optional scenes that you watch, items that you use, and which characters that you use in battle. Somehow I managed to completely fuck up whatever formulas were at work. xD

The morals of this game? Adultery and pedofelia is aaaaaaaaawright!

 I never considered myself as one of those people stupid enough to buy a PS3 purely for the sake of getting one game. I've proven myself wrong. =/

Recently discovered that Star Ocean: Second Evolution had just been released for the PSP. The original Star Ocean for the PSX is my favourite game ever, and that's no exaggeration. I've completed it at least twenty times. I've already bought the game and borrowed a friends PSP to play it on until I can buy my own. I've so far plugged 26 hours into this game since Monday.

I think I need help. =/

The game has been given fully voiced event sequences though! And the main character is voiced by Spike Spencer! (Shinji from Evangelion) It's just so freaking keeeeeewl. =D Also. New character art makes everyone look sexier. 

I think a lot of kids these days really take the presence of parents and grandparents for granted. They don't seem to realise how much of an influence that they have on their lives, and how these people actually look out for them. I've seen a lot of kids who act like obnoxious wee shites to their parents and don't give two tosses about them. I'm not one of those people, thankfully, but I'm certainly someone who has taken my grandparents for granted.

To me, they were the relatives that you knew mutually, whom you were guilted into talking to for a few minutes over the phone whenever they called the house, and who you had to put up with for two weeks when they came to visit. Hell, I barely ever phoned up to thank them for the £10 they send me every year on my birthday.

I don't think it's the death of my Grandad that's gotten me so down, rather the impression that I ultimately left. Sure, all my grandparents ACT like i'm a good grandson, but I certainly don't feel it.

And now he's gone. And with him all the generosity, cheerfulness, and integrity that made up a great man. A man that I took for granted.

Rest in peace Grandpa. I will truly miss you.

So i'm now home from Aberdeen having spent the past five days staying at my boyfriends (KajiDog) house. Few things to mention first of all:

• I love him. :3
• The furmeet was awesome!
• My new laptop kicks ass.
• I hate awkward filetypes. (Downloaded Superbad to watch on the three hour bus journey back to Glasgow. Didn't test it until I was ON the bus. >>)

Shout-out time! Ixis, for being brilliant banter, good company, an awesome drunk, paying £20 for our Jimmy Chungs having only technically spent £8, and for cleaning up after herself. Danny, for shelling out a whole £70 to pay for three 20" pizzas for the whole gang, and Coffee-Fox for the gifts.

Now of course this wouldn't be a true Livejournal entry if I didn't complain properly about something! Unfortunately the mishap with retarded filetypes isn't enough to satiate my ranting urge. 

I'll warn you now that this rant could potentially be rather controversial, as i'll be discussing things like 'autism' and 'aspergers syndrome'. Thus, if you are easily offended or are too close-minded to listen to a discursive opinion on the subject without getting butt-hurt then please don't read on. It's up to you of course.

Many could agree that there seems to be an awfully high rate of conditions like autism and aspergers syndrome within the furry fandom. There are many symptoms of these conditions, but I feel that the primary point of discussion regarding them is the stunted growth of social development that these conditions are associated with. Basically this means that those with autism are generally less socially able than most other people. Does that mean that they're socially inable? Hardly.

The title of todays rant is: "The Autism Shield"

A 'shield', you ask? My point here is that i've seen numerous people bring this up as an 'excuse' for their behaviour. I'd first of all like to state that my youngest brother of twelve years is autistic, and thus I have someone from which to base my opinions off of. My younger has a really bad case of autism, to the point where he has attendants at school and finds it very difficult to make friends. He's the sort of person that will probably not ever live what you would consider a 'normal life'. Now, with him as a comparison, it makes me sick to see people within the fandom that are 'autistic' to use it as an excuse for what is probably just a social inability developed from spending all of their time yiffing on the internet rather than interacting with people in real life.

Now don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that all of those in the fandom are faking their autism, there are however different levels of 'autism', many of them barely noticeable. On top of that, it is entirely possible to mis-diagnose autism. One of my friends was diagnosed with a mental condition when she was six years old and was put on drugs, though another doctor revealed that she was in fact clear of of mental disorders, and thus she was taken off the drugs. This begs the question: who decides whether or not someone is less socially apt than someone else? Not a doctor, that's for sure. YOU decide.

Many people no doubt do this but it seems extremely prominent within the furry fandom, where they will off-handedly point out their autism, as if it is an excuse for their behaviour or actions. Using autism as an excuse only further cripples your socially ability, as you sub-conciously begin to self-believe that are not as socially able as everyone around you, and thus your condition worsens. On the opposite side to this, I have seen people (furres included) whom I would have never have expected to be affected by autism or aspergers, yet they are. The reason it was low-key was because they worked on it. 

So what is the point of my rant? I believe that mental disorders have always existed, though before the times of clear-cut medical advice they were never noticed. Serious cases would have been, of course, such as my little brother as an example. He would have been considered an 'eccentric' in the olden days, though those with milder cases of autism and aspergers would have blended into the crowd no problem. Hell, they were probably some of the more brilliant minds in the olden days. My point is that the increase in medical technology and understanding has also brought with it some unneccessary specifics, thus being able to categorize people into different categories of social ability. The amount of people with mental disorders is not increasing, simply the number of reported cases, because they're going into such fine detail to point out those who were simply born slightly outwith the expected standard of behaviour. Refer above to my friend who was wrongly diagnosed with a mental condition.

So what I am ultimately trying to say is that autism does exist, though minor cases only exist as a result of basing a persons behaviour against very specific 'abnormalities'. Just because you are autistic does not by any means make you a less socially able person. Spending all of your time on the internet pretending that you're an animal however, does.